The Carpenter

I don't think I ever fell in love with him. I know I didn't ---- I've only loved two so far. But he was a good reminder to me that he's the type I want. I loved the things he created with his hands: they were sleek and solid and lean and strong, just like him. He himself was a little bit flawed, but wonderfully genuine and kind, a good friend and devoted to his family. We met in a silly way and I remember being nervous on our first couple dates --- until he kissed me on that stormy night out on the Zen-like patio he'd just created with his hands and quiet sensibilities. I liked that he remarked that it was our first kiss. I let him into my thoughts and he saw me as who I am deep down ---- it's so rare I let anyone that close. We cared deeply for each other. I saw him as a good husband and an even better father. I could envision an offbeat life together in a very real way. We accepted the way we were with each other, our differences ... and seemed the enjoy the similarities we shared. Yet, I wasn't ready when he called me his girlfriend to his friends and for some reason I played the game, even though there was absolutely no reason to play the game with him. Artistic, creative, quiet, determined and ...calm. He had this calmness about him that helped me learn how to calm down myself. If I'd come in stressed and unnerved, he'd kinda laugh at me and tell me not to let it bother me. And I just wouldn't. He'd have me lay there next to him as he read and soon I'd pick up a book too ... and we'd just be quiet and calm together. It was very peaceful and very good for the soul. I let the reactions of my friends who didn't like him affect the way I looked at him. They say now that I was in my artsy phase with him. But I wasn't in a phase --- that's me. And I'm mad at myself that I let him go so easily. There I was, back to chasing The Unexpected. We've since apologized and I think that we'll always be friends. I'm happy for that. I don't think we'll ever go back to anything else, but I know I want to end up with someone very similar to him.